What is a Resolution?
A resolution is a firm determination to do or not do something. Unlike a goal, which focuses on specific outcomes like losing 30 pounds or graduating by 2026, a resolution is a persistent commitment toward daily improvement. It requires persistence in our aim to convert a new behavior into a lasting habit.
Rule of Thirds
My major professor in graduate school introduced me to the “rule of thirds”. In essence, it suggests that people generally fall into one of three distinct categories:
- The Exceptional– Those continuously striving for excellence by setting and pursuing goals, in an ongoing quest for progress and improvement.
- The Typical– Those content with essentially doing what they’ve always done, contented with “I am how I am”. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this mindset, it contrasts sharply with the first group’s goal setting and ongoing effort toward self-improvement.
- The Harmful– Those who intentionally pursue harming others or seeking unmerited personal gain at others’ expense. They desire to inflict pain, feeling justified in their destructive efforts.
There seem to be more people in the second group than the other two. The law of entropy basically implies that everything is in a state of getting old and wearing out. Thus, progressing in life is somewhat like trying to get to the top of a downward moving escalator. It takes effort just to stay level, without falling behind. The middle group makes enough effort to remain at even keel. A professor originally from back east, yet employed at USU, described this group mindset as being satisfied with being “absolutely adequate”. The sole difference between these groups, and ultimately the outcomes they obtain, is the process of goal setting and goal pursuit. Without goals and resolutions for self improvement, by default we fall into the middle category.
New Year’s Resolutions
I love the idea of setting New Year’s resolutions and the positive forward energy generated in the process. We sometimes joke about the futility of setting resolutions– believing that most give up on them within a few weeks. Yet it’s beautiful that, at least once a year, we pause to reflect on who we want to become and how things are currently going. The new year offers a chance to identify what we most wish to change or improve, focus our efforts on those areas, and work toward developing our potential, increasing our contributions, and enhancing our personal fulfillment.
Converting Resolutions into Actions
Some dismiss New Year’s resolutions, assuming they’re doomed to fail. However, by following key principles, we can increase our chances of success. One effective method of goal setting and achievement striving is the SMART framework:
S = Specific: Clearly define your goals in precise, specific, detailed and crystal clear terms. Vague goals, like “communicating better” or “eating healthier”, are harder to measure than goals that specifically define what better communication or healthier eating looks like.
M = Measurable: Track your progress in measurable terms to ensure you’re moving in the right direction. Whether that involves counting steps, tracking calories, weighing yourself and noting/tracking the weight, or rating progress toward goals each day, goal efforts that can be quantified and tracked over time gets us invested in the new pursuit and allows us to see how we’re progressing.
A = Achievable: Break goals into small, achievable steps to avoid discouragement. Sometimes the ultimate goal of running a half- marathon starts with walking around the block every other day, for starters. Its important to start where you’re at and build from there,, making sure the current step is realistic and doable.
R = Relevant: Focus on goals that truly matter to you. Your goals should be meaningful to you, in line with your values and priorities, and worth the time and effort to achieve them. Goals imposed by others often lack the resolve or enthusiasm to persistently pursue them, as they may not be very relevant to you.
T = Time-bound: Set deadlines to help stay on track and maintain momentum. Procrastination loses some of its grip when we have a clear timeline for when we want to have reached a particular goal. Intermediate time markers, like weekly weigh-ins or monthly budget reviews, further fine-tunes goal pursuits by tracking how your performance is unfolding over time. This allows you to know if you’re ahead of schedule, on track, or falling behind.
Honoring past resolutions
An overlooked aspect of New Year’s resolutions is reflecting on past commitments made in earlier chapters in life. For example, spiritual, marital, friendship, family, or parental promises made in the past that no longer seem applicable given a change in circumstance. For example:
Spiritual Commitment: Some end up leaving their faith. There can arise a moral conundrum, unclear as to what values, morals and ethics will remain even as they distance themselves from certain beliefs and values that were part of their religious adherence. Sometimes the baby of a well-developed moral compass can be thrown out with the bathwater of the religious tenets that are being rejected. Simply because one’s religious faith may no longer be relevant doesn’t negate the importance of maintaining personal integrity and a clear moral compass. One can continue to aspire to be a best version of oneself with a keen sense of spirituality, regardless of the flaws perceived in one’s faith.
Marital or Friendship Vows: Divorce may end a marriage, but honoring the spirit of the vows once made- such as avoiding harm or deception to one you were married to, or allowing the other to pursue happiness post-divorce without your interference, etc— shows respect for and commitment to the bond that once existed and a commitment to the spirit of those vows even after the marriage ends. The same holds true for past friendships that were once governed by a unique honor code. Broken or terminated relationships do not absolve us from maintaining a decorum and non-harmfulness to those in our past, even if honored unilaterally.
Parental & Family Values: When a parent holds their firstborn child, an overwhelming cascade of emotions unique to that experience surges in. A deep desire to not tarnish or mess up in any way sets in, despite being a total rookie at the daunting task. Then life happens, and sometimes the result is severed relationships. Even in cases of estrangement, a parent can honor their initial resolve to try to be the parent their child desires, even if it means respecting the child’s desire for distance and non-involvement. The same principle of noninterference and non-harm can apply to other family relationships that have discontinued. A resolve to bring joy and benefit and meaningful connection to those currently in our lives, while not interfering or impeding in any way upon those who choose not to have us in their lives, seems to be a healthy and worthwhile resolution to maintain.
Ultimately, honoring past resolutions is less about others and more about staying true to the character you strive to embody. Treating others not based on what they deserve, but as a manifestation of who you are or intend to be, allows past commitments to continue to guide your actions with integrity and grace, even when relationships or circumstances change and the chapters in which those pledges were made has come to an end.
The power of two
Publicly sharing goals dramatically increases the likelihood of achieving them. When goals are kept private, it’s easy to procrastinate, justifying delays to see if motivation returns. This in turn often leads to abandoned resolutions and ultimate complacency with being “good enough”.
At year’s end I tend to encourage those in relationships to embrace the “power of two “, by setting and sharing resolutions with each other. I first ask what their three most salient goals are for the coming year. I then encourage them to ask their spouse the same question. Finally, I encourage them to jointly set three resolutions for the relationship, using the SMART framework to enhance likelihood of success.
Yet this approach isn’t limited to couples. A goal shared between any two people creates mutual accountability, inspires mutual progress, and helps transform those aspirations into achievements. While a marital relationship makes this process highly convenient, the power of dreams shared between any two people can just as easily be done among friends, siblings, parents, colleagues, or even with members of a support group devoted to the pursuit of a common goal.
Putting it into practice
Goals matter. Setting resolutions with passion moves you into the top third of people, among those striving for perpetual growth. Sharing your goals publicly adds accountability and motivates follow-through, as few enjoy the prospect of public failure.
When I taught a behavioral modification course, on the first day of class I announced my weight and told the class that in 10 weeks there would be 20 pounds less of me. Peer pressure became a motivator. By semester’s end, I was 20 pounds lighter- a practical demonstration of one of the principles taught in the course.
In similar fashion, today I make a similar “public” pronouncement. I believe I have learned enough tools and strategies to maximally take care of my physical body fully, the way I know I should. Over the years I have essentially done so, although I’ve cut plenty of corners. However, by my 60th birthday (at the end of May), I resolve to be in the best physical shape of my life (age-adjusted, of course).
By applying the principles of psychology and willpower, driven by a deep-seated resolution, I aim to demonstrate that resolutions can be converted into desired outcomes. On my birthday, I’ll update my website photos to reflect my success- or lack thereof- illustrating the power or limits of the very strategies I advocate. Let’s see what resolve, and resolutions, guided by effective strategy, can accomplish. I’m now obligated to see if I can practice what I preach. By doing so, I may have some added clout to motivate others to achieve their goals. Since if an old shrink can, then just about anybody can.
