On Being Highly Sensitive
One of my favorite quotes by Antoine de St. Exupery, the author of The Little Prince, states: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eyes”.
What Being Highly Sensitive Feels Like
A phrase that I loathe is “You are just too sensitive”. I was born highly sensitive and have always felt misunderstood. My feelings are always experienced intensely. I cry easily. I experience people’s emotions like an empathy sponge that absorbs the energy of others. My pain tolerance is low and I’ve fainted during simple medical procedures. Social situations are a struggle due to introversion. I’ve been labeled weird all my life. Crowds of people stress me out. I don’t like loud noises. I startle and shake easily. I abhor violence and cannot watch violent movies. My body doesn’t handle caffeine well. It is crucial for me to eat a healthy diet. I must take things at my own pace and overwhelm occurs quickly. I need extra down time to regain my sanity at the end of the day.
Growing Up Highly Sensitive
When I was in Kindergarten, I became super excited about a glorious piece of music. The music filled me with so much happiness that I began crying with joy. However, when I tried to share my enthusiams with my mother she didn’t get it. Early on I learned that my survival meant repressing my tenderness in front of others. When my mother spanked me I pretended it really didn’t hurt and would remain stoic as a rock while it was happening. She would whip me harder to try to “break” me. Later, I would sob alone in my closet, deeply hurt.
Escaping through Addiction
For years I saw my sensitivity as a bad thing. Time and again I received the message that I needed to be stronger, tougher, not to take things so personally, and to buck up. As a result, I developed anorexia as a method of numbing myself from all my feelings. Succumbing to this dangerous addiction nearly cost me my life, and I was hospitalized frequently. At my core, I felt too sensitive to exist. I didn’t know how to survive and thrive as a highly sensitive being in a world that felt so incredibly harsh.
Seeing my Gifts and Strengths
In retrospect, I see that I was born with many gifts which were not appreciated. Even as a child I knew I wanted to be a concert pianist, determined to make my dream a reality no matter what! Coming to realize my dream by consistently working hard to develop my gifts, especially for music and the arts, helped me to recognize just how wrong my toxic family was of me.
Embracing my Inherent Worth
My worth and self-concept were painted over by the abuse I received as a child which left me shattered. I’ve found inner child work to be a powerful healing modality. Those tools have taught me to love those fragmented sensitive aspects of my inner child self. My youthful perception that I was born broken and defective evolved into a feeling of being a beautiful and complete person.
Accepting and Honoring my Feelings
A major part of my journey has been to honor and accept my feelings without judgment. The more I’ve been able to say “it’s okay to feel deeply, there is nothing wrong with the way you feel or with being sensitive,” the less chaotic I feel and the more inner peace I experience. I call this my “Mr. Rodger’s approach “.
Creating a Support System
I’ve learned the hard way that certain individuals will always be mean, cruel, and highly critical. I now have a surrogate tribe of people who care. My husband is my biggest ally. It can’t be overstated how important it has been to surround myself with supportive people and exit bad relationships which kept me trapped.
Using High Sensitivity to Enhance your Career
In my career as a music teacher, I’ve had plenty of challenging students who have been my greatest teachers. Many of them have also been highly sensitive. Usually I can recognize those children immediately. By building rapport, staying patient, and offering encouragement and praise, my classroom can be a safe, happy, creative, fun, growing place for them to feel valued, understood, and important. Often all that is needed is for them to know that someone cares and that their uniqueness is treated as something special.
Highly Sensitive People are Needed!
Being highly sensitive can give you a type of x-ray vision into others’ perspectives and experiences, allowing you to hear and feel what others are not saying. It enables a strong intuition for people and situations that others might miss altogether. Kindness comes rather naturally, which is so valuable since you never know what someone else is going through. What was despised about myself as a child I now cherish and embrace. While this world is not easy for sensitive people, they are attuned to other people and their environment in ways that position them to make a gentle and impactful difference in situations that may elude the attention of others.
