Understanding the Common Struggle
Low self-esteem is a widespread issue that many individuals face. The constant comparison to others in terms of appearance, intelligence, health, wealth, and wisdom often leaves us feeling inadequate. We become experts at pinpointing our own flaws, weaknesses, insecurities, regrets, and past mistakes. Coupled with our tendency to be overly critical of ourselves, achieving a sense of self-worth can feel like an elusive goal.
The Formation of Self-Identity
From a young age we learn to adopt the language and attitudes of those around us. Our perception of ourselves is shaped by the opinions and attitudes of others. Our initial self-identity starts to form based on attributes such as our name, gender, race, and physical appearance.
The Influence of External Validation
Our sense of self-worth early in life hinges on how others perceive us. If we receive frequent criticism, we internalize those messages and start to believe them. This phenomenon, known as the “looking glass self,” underscores the importance of external validation in shaping our self-esteem.
The Impact of Social Comparison
During adolescence, social comparison becomes more pronounced as we seek validation from peers. Our self-worth becomes intertwined with our social standing and acceptance within various social groups. For those who struggle to fit in or face adversity at home, cultivating healthy self-esteem can be particularly challenging.
Breaking Free from the Comparison Trap
To break free from the cycle of comparison, it’s crucial to shift our focus inward and identify our unique qualities and personal values. Rather than measuring ourselves against others, we should strive to become the person we want to be.
Embracing Personal Values
One effective strategy for enhancing self-esteem is to identify and prioritize our core values. These values serve as guiding principles that define how we want to live our lives. As a practical application, you can start by listing your top 10 values that most precisely define the person you aspire to be. Examples of specific values include mastery over anger, kindness to all you see, being compassionate rather than judgemental, maintaining calm resilience in daily setbacks, and taking time for daily self-care. Your list will be individualized to you and your priorities.
Implementing Values-Based Goals
Once you’ve listed your core values, endeavor to put those values into practice daily. To operationalize your quest, you can rate yourself each night based on how well you lived each value that day (on a 0-10 scale). Making a list of your values and rating performance daily follows the SMART goal-settling method (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound). Tracking daily performance lets you record progress over time and lets you identify which values are most difficult to achieve so you can concentrate your effort in those areas.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Self-esteem isn’t about achieving perfection but rather striving for personal growth and self-acceptance. When you fall short of your goals, practice self-compassion and focus on learning and improvement rather than self-criticism and perfection.
Empowering Ourselves for Success
By prioritizing our values and aligning our actions with them, we take ownership of our self-worth and empower ourselves to thrive independent of external validation. Self-esteem is not a competition but a journey of personal progress marked by daily attempts to be the best version of yourself.
Conclusion: In Sync with Your Values
Cultivating values-driven self-esteem involves shifting focus away from external validation and onto self-definition. By identifying our core values and striving to live in alignment with them, we can break free from the comparison trap. Our sense of self-worth instead becomes rooted in personal integrity and daily growth in alignment with our self-created values.
