What ‘Color’ Are You?
By ‘color’ I mean your unique identity- not your skin shade. Many people are trying to discover who they are, what they stand for, and their priorities, values, likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, and goals. Understanding yourself and how you fit in with others is a significant challenge.
What Makes Your Color Unique
We often stereotype people based on religion, education, income, marital status, appearance, and more. Yet, in my 30 years as a psychologist, I’ve never met two people who are exactly the same. Like Tigger, the wonderful thing about you is that you are the only one. To truly know someone, you must see them as the unique individual they are. Each person is a distinct color in life’s crayola box.
How We Become the Color We Are
Life offers a buffet of options. We choose what to take, what to reject, what to avoid, and what to savor. Some things are so sacred to us that we devote our life’s effort to them. Among life’s options are skydiving, swing dancing, scripture reading, banjo playing, yoga, social media, drug use, volunteer work, duck hunting, meditation, gambling, gaming, gardening, etc. The choices are limitless. Each of us has things we will never do, things we do reluctantly, things we do depending on our mood, things we routinely do, and things we would never betray as they are core to our identity and integrity. These choices form our unique color. I live the way I do because it works for me, not because it’s the right way for everyone. Your choices reflect your personality, experiences, values and dreams. Everyone is a unique color shaped by the items they prioritize or shun in life’s buffet.
How Your Color Fits in with Others
Some believe their way of doing or viewing things is universally right, accepting others only if they are similar. For example, if ‘white’ thinks its way is ‘right’, it may tolerate off-white but rejects all other colors. Their best niche resides in a box of chalk. If we seek friendships with those who require us to be their color, or at least a color they consider complementary, we must either conform or become chameleons. Constantly changing to fit in is exhausting and undermines your identity. There must be a better way to be ourselves while fitting in with those who see things differently.
Blending Colors
Imagine coloring one half of the yin yang symbol in any color and then coloring the other half in a different color. Regardless of the colors chosen, a unique yin yang design is always created. The least interesting combination is coloring both halves the same color, rendering a monochromatic circle. To mix well with different colors, don’t try to sell them on your way or convert to theirs. Just be the best version of your own. Reds are used to being accepted by reds, but it’s a novel experience to be accepted by a blue. In general, your color will be accepted to the degree that you accept theirs. This doesn’t apply to those who are closed off to certain other colors. With them you can pretend to be someone you’re not, which is exhausting, or accept that you won’t fit in with those disinterested in a wider color palette. Accept their approach to life and stay open to those who play the yin yang way in such a way that there is room for your color with them.
Putting it all Together
Knowing your color- your identity- and staying open to others’ colors is key to self-definition and fitting in. There are infinite colors, just as there is a wide variety of people. It’s pointless to try to be someone you’re not. But it’s essential to become the best version of yourself. Accepting differences lets you enjoy your uniqueness without trying to convert others. Your way is right for you, not universally right for all. Do what works for you and allow others the same privilege. A genuine interest in what works for others, even if it’s different than what works for you, fosters harmonious friendships. You can connect with people from diverse cultures and lifestyles by recognizing there isn’t one right way for everyone. Instead, interact with openness and respect, allowing all to coexist in the same crayon box. The mindset, “I can accept your color as is and ask only that you allow me to be mine” has helped me form meaningful, respectful relationships with a wide variety of people. Embracing this philosophy will enable you to have relationships with a wide variety of people, limited only by their willingness to accept the unique color that you are or by your willingness to accept theirs.
